The Island Question
by l8rg8r123
Summary: Drama Class: In which Alex proceeded to piss off the drama teacher with his smart comments. Part I in Alex's Schedule.


**The Island Question**

_For those of you who have read my "Sarcastic Sayings" thing, I guess we share a little inside joke. If you didn't, well, enjoy. Or try. This is pretty crappy. -sighs-_

Disclaimer:Well, as much as I respect Anthony Horowitz, I wouldn't steal the right to his beautiful creation. Though, Anthony, I would definitely rethink the whole Alex Rider movie thing.

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Drama Class

Alex drummed his fingers on his wooden desk, staring up into the ceiling, counting all the little dots. It had been two weeks since his return, and so far, it was going great except for his electives.

When he had first entered Brookland's campus, a counselor had whisked him away, asked a few questions, then scrawled a new schedule for him on a piece of scrap paper. Algebra, Biology, Gym, History, Lunch, English, Spanish, then Drama. Drama was obviously the elective that no one took, so he had been stuck there along with Tom.

The teacher was Mr. Featherstonehaugh. It wasn't that Alex didn't respect Mr. Featherstonehaugh, it was just that he was a pain in the neck. He was about three hundred fifty pounds, but stood short at five foot five. He wore open toed shoes and polo shirts that were two sizes too small, making his large stomach bulge out. And, as Tom had once told Alex, he had man breasts. Which were really disturbing to look at. But, appearance aside, he tried to make Drama as much fun as possible, by giving no homework (and you expected Drama class to give you homework) and doing circle time (like in primary school).

"Circle up!" Mr. Featherstonehaugh bellowed. Alex jumped. He hadn't heard the usual _thump thump_ of his heavy footsteps that signaled Mr. Featherstonehaugh's entrance. "Circle up" was the "hip insider slang" for "get your asses in a circle and snap your finger's to the Addams Family theme tune". Alex slid out of his chair and slowly made way to an empty space, completing the misshapen circle that looked like an egg.

"Okay, today we are going to learn how to find your inner self." Mr. Featherstonehaugh announced. "I will ask each of you a question. It will be the same question for all of you. I'm going to give you three minutes to think about the answer, then I will ask you for your answer." Lauren Greene, the It Girl of Brookland, raised her hand.

"What's the question?" She asked, tucking a brunette strand of hair behind her ear.

"You're stuck on a desert island. You can only bring one thing, and it has to hold sentimental value. What is it?"

"Well, I would bring my iPod, and but then I would run out of battery, because, like, I listen to it all the time, so maybe it's charger too-"

"You're not supposed to tell me yet."

"Oh."

"The three minutes start now."

- - - - - - - - - -

3 minutes later

"Brad, what would you to the desert island?"

"A picture of my family."

"Good. Jamie, what would you bring?"

"My stuffed animal."

"Excellent."

"Lucy, how about you?"

"My locket necklace."

"Very good. Rex?" Rex brought a Mark Twain book. Daniel decided to take a football. Emily wanted to take her makeup bag.

"Lauren, what about you?"

"My iPod. And it's charger." A small ripple of laughter waved through the classroom. "And maybe my car keys. And my car."

"How about just your iPod, okay?" Mr. Featherstonehaugh said. It was Alex's turn. "Alex, what would you bring?"

"Uh, I would bring a boat." Alex answered.

"How does that hold sentimental value, Alex?"

"Well, you see, it would get me off the desert island..." Alex reasoned. Mr. Featherstonehaugh sighed.

"Um, good, I suppose. Next?"

"I would bring Alex," Tom announced proudly. A collective "Ooh" went around the room. Alex rolled his eyes, something he had picked up from Jack.

"Okay. Why?"

"Because he has the boat I need to get off the island." Mr. Featherstonehaugh frowned.

"Next." Unfortunately, Alex and Tom's answers had inspired their fellow peers.

"I would bring a helicopter."

"I would bring a inflatable five-star hotel."

"I want to bring a laptop with an everlasting battery and broadband." Mr. Featherstonehaugh's frown was getting deeper and deeper, until finally, the last student came up.

"Eric, what would you bring to the desert island?"

"I would bring a plane."

Mr. Featherstonehaugh snapped.

"How are any of these near, and dear and close to your heart? You turned something that was supposed to be fun and character strengthening into chaos! And you"- he pointed towards Alex- "Started it all! You and your boat and your smart comments can go to detention!" He grabbed a post it and a pen and scribbled something on it, then handed it to Alex.

_Mr. Rider will have an after school detention tomorrow at 3 o'clock for misbehavior in class._

Alex folded the note and stuffed in his pocket. Maybe MI6 would take him away by then and he could skip it. He thought about it for a while, then decided he would rather be in detention for an hour than getting killed by terrorists without getting paid. Mr. Featherstonehaugh was still in his self-destructive rage spiral, spitting and yelling at the whole class about disrespect. No one was listening.

Five minutes later, Mr. Featherstonehaugh had calmed down. Eric opened his mouth to speak.

"So...what do I get?"

Mr. Featherstonehaugh sighed again. "Partial credit."

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A/N: Hi. Review. Bye.


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